Thursday, March 11, 2010

Sempena Ulang tahun Hari Lahir Ayah ke 50... 11 Mac

Love is a general word,
Love is something we hoped for,
Something we need,
Something we can't live without.

However, in my entry this time, i'm gonna tell about the love i found after i was million miles away from could say, an ocean separates us.

That person is my dad....

My dad has became my greatest inspiration in my life, him and also my mother.
But the one that lead the greatest impact in my life is him.

When my siblings and I were small, my dad and mom raised us to believe that this world is easy and that as long as we study hard, everything will fall into place.

But that's no where close to reality..

My dad, he wanted us to feel pain as well.
Suffered, and to understand the state he is in now.
It took us a long time to understand what he actually meant,
but now it seems like is has became too little too late.

That's just the introdution to my point..hehe....this is going to be a looooong entry.

Ehem..ehem...back to my story.

When i was small, i had always hated my dad.
For being him, for always getting angry for no reason,
for never really cared for what i had achieved,
making me feel like as though i'm not loved.
He had always cared for my other siblings more than me.
Whenever they make mistakes, it seems as though it is easy for him to forgive them,
but when i made the slightest mistake,
He'd let me have it the worse.
I still remember the many slaps i got from him.
On one single night.
I can't even count how many i've received from him.

I also cannot accept the fact that he had a REALLY hard time in believing me.
He wouldn't believe that i have extra classes on holidays.
He wouldn't believe it if i didn't do anything wrong.
You could say he was constantly at my back, watching me, waiting for me to do something that upsets him.
That really annoys me.

But, little did i know,
He was the one who really cared so much for me.
When I first got my SPM results, he was the first to call me.
When i got accepted to University Putra Malaysia, he was the one who wanted to see me off,
he even helped me with all the preparation.

In my study, in last year, i was kinda low in cash,
and i would only buy Nasi Lemak that cost RM2 a day to break my fast,
Then I almost cried when he sent me that sms..

"Sudah bank-in RM200. Beli lah buah-buahan. Baru sihat."

Those simple words made me believed, he really cares about me.

Like they say,
The GAJAH in front you cannot see,
The SEMUT across the ocean you can see.

My dad worked his life to make our life better,
The reason he had always come home in bad mood was because he has to figure out how to pay this and how to pay that,
In the meantime he is also thinking of how we are going to eat for that day.
He's constantly on the move, trying to figure out how to pay for the luxuries we asked for,
He even opened up a business,
so that he will also have money to feed us even though he is retired,
But even that was not a complete success,
As the strong wind had ruined the shop,
and barely any customers come now,
as it is dangerous,
and not family friendly.

But he's sick,
And it's breaks my heart to see him work that hard.

In one day, he'll eat lots and lots of pills, medicine for the pain,
The pain he got, by raising us.
When he bled, I was watching the television,
When he cried, I was laughing with my friends,
And when he was in pain, I was the one holding the knife on his throat...
He had sacrificed his whole life for us,
he dedicated himself to watch us become successful in life,
and have it easier than he did when he was young.

He never wanted us to feel poverty.

And that's why, I had come to know the real father i have.
The one I hated so much, had become the one I never want to let go,
The one I never want to see suffer,
The one I want to pay back to,
And last but not least,
The one I wanted to care for all my life.

Honestly i'm speechless to him,
But in deep of my heart, i love him so much...

Thank you give me "the one" that can cares me & loves me as well as your way....

I love you dad.
Forgive me...

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